


Don't Lose Yourself

by Widow_Spyder



Category: Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I swear it, M/M, content warning, mentions of retching, this DOES have a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24689875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Widow_Spyder/pseuds/Widow_Spyder
Summary: Survival of the fittest was one of the oldest sayings an overprotective parent could give their children. In other words, the only way you can survive in the world is by being healthy, which makes sense considering how ancient the statement was and what the world had to go through to survive. However, in Gen’s words, it was absolute bullshit.For the prompt:For my prompt I was thinking like Gen has an eating disorder or maybe like the after-effects of one he had before their world turned to stone. i just thought this could be an interesting idea since he was in the entertainment industry before everything that happened and i've heard stories of eating disorders or similar things happening to celebrities.
Relationships: Asagiri Gen/Ishigami Senkuu
Comments: 16
Kudos: 236





	Don't Lose Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING CONTENT AHEAD (PURGING, EATING DISORDER, AND WEIGHT LOSS) // PLEASE READ RESPONSIBLY**

Survival of the fittest was one of the oldest sayings an overprotective parent could give their children. In other words, the only way you can survive in the world is by being healthy, which makes sense considering how ancient the statement was and what the world had to go through to survive. However, in Gen’s words, it was absolute bullshit.

He survived just fine the way he was. He didn’t need to eat as much as the regular person. As long as he stayed hydrated and followed his manager’s orders, then he’d be fine. And he was. Sure, Gen didn’t really care for the diet pills he’d have to take, but they kept him small, and _he liked it like that._ He liked being able to wrap his fist around his wrist and fold his fingers over each other. He liked how it complimented his height and how he was able to fit in tight places. 

His managers and producers liked it too. It made him be able to fit in magicians’ boxes easier, and since he wasn’t claustrophobic, it was the perfect combination for a performer. 

_So what if he skipped some meals and got lightheaded often?_ He still survived just fine without getting too sick. Then the world was petrified, and the old saying became a way of life.

——————

Honest to the gods, it actually takes a while for Gen to remember his old habits. So long in fact that they had already started building the Perseus when he noticed. Although with everything that had happened, it wasn’t unreasonable for him to forget. The de-petrification, the battles, and near-death experiences were good distractions. That and the food they had to eat was minimal and light. Ramen broth, berries in the forest, and the occasional meat dinners he’d partake in weren’t enough to warrant his brain to think he didn’t need them.

The day had started like any other. Getting up early, working throughout the day, and then relaxing at night. It was when Gen had disrobed to take a bath that he suddenly stopped short before getting in. There was a new addition to the “bathing houses” they built, propped up against the wall, sitting innocently and glinting in the light. 

_A mirror._

It’s long and can get the whole of Gen’s reflection where he’s only wearing his fundoshi. Like a switch being pulled, suddenly, there’s hundreds of thoughts running through Gen’s head at once. 

_Where’d it come from?_ Obviously, Senku made it.

_Why is it here?_ Someone must’ve requested it. 

_Who would’ve done that?_ Someone who missed mirrors apparently.

_When did it even get here?_ Senku must’ve just installed it that day.

_How?_ With the chemicals, Senku prepared for Minami’s camera. They made a bunch of little mirrors to capture photos.

_Is that really me?_

The question burns something fierce through Gen’s subconscious as does the reflection staring back at him. Before he even knows he’s moved, Gen found himself outside in the backwoods, leaning against a tree with a hole dug in the ground below him and shoving his fingers into the back of his mouth. He hadn’t eaten that long ago, so it’s not surprising when it only takes a few minutes for everything to come back up again. Once he’s finished, he angrily kicks at the dirt and buries the evidence before turning away and willing his heart to stop racing.

When he’s finally calmed down and blinked the tears out of his eyes, Gen notes he feels… _better. Satisfied. Lighter._

Admittedly, deep down, he knows this feeling isn’t truly any of those things. That he’s putting himself in danger once again just because of something that triggered him once after going so long without it. He can already hear his old therapist’s voice in his head, telling him things he doesn’t want to hear. 

_Ironic isn’t it?_ Gen thinks, instead. _That a professional mentalist needed a therapist in the old world._

And so the trend continued. He’d skip breakfast in the morning, eat a regular lunch and then purge his dinner after eating it. He would’ve skipped dinner entirely without doing the purging thing at all, but he couldn’t afford to get anyone suspicious. 

He’s on this third night of escaping the dinner crowd and heading off into the bushes when Senku pops up out of nowhere, startling Gen, who had been sitting in front of his mini garden and calming his heart before walking to his tree. 

“Enjoying the scenery, mentalist?” Senku asked, plopping down in the dirt next to him with his usual air of confidence, seemingly oblivious to Gen’s inner turmoil. Not that Gen wasn’t relieved that Senku didn’t seem to notice. The last thing Gen wanted was Senku to see what he had been planning to do. 

“How could I not, Senku-chan?” Gen drawled as he lazily met Senku’s eye, who turned towards the bunch of flowers in front of them. Senku picked one off the ground and twirled it through his fingers. 

“Didn’t know you had a garden back here. All your nightshade flowers?” He asked. 

Gen nodded, brushing his hand over some flower petals. “And some lavender.”

“Odd combination, isn’t it?” Senku chuckled, reaching out to take some lavender in hand as well. 

“Not really. Deadly v.s. Beautiful. The ever-continuing war.” Gen laminated, picking some weeds out and throwing them roughly away. 

Senku giggled again, the sound almost echoing through the forest and into Gen’s ears. “Poetic.” Senku said, pulling some weeds out as well. 

“I try.”

“Did you know the belladonna can be used as a hay fever remedy.” Senku asked, holding up the black berry and rolling it around in his fingers. 

Gen smiled, taking the berry from Senku’s hand. “Of course, as long as you don’t use too much.”

“And know how to use it.” Senku added as he plucked an entire lavender flower out of the ground. “I’m thinking about using lavender, too, to make laundry detergent.”

Gen chuckled half-heartedly at the image of stone world washing machines with their own laundry detergent brand. _Something Ryusui would no doubt come to own._ “Is that so?”

“Yeah, everyone here stinks like wild boars.” Senku grimaced, fiddling with his own clothes as if it didn’t smell like their current soap and the flower perfumes Gen kept in their hut. 

“I guess that’s true. It doesn’t help that you tend to overwork them in the sun, though, Senku-chan.” Gen pointed out, throwing away the berry he had been holding and wiping his hand on his coat. 

Senku shook his head. “At least in the old world, clothes would last a lot longer smelling clean. Nowadays, you spend one afternoon in the sun, and suddenly, you stink worse than bowling sulfur.” 

“Perhaps you should try making deodorant first.” Gen suggested, making Senku raise his eyebrows in questions. “Not sure how well our leather clothes will take to laundry detergent.” Gen explained. 

“That’s a good idea.” Senku smiled, making a heated blush creep onto Gen’s face. Before Senku could see, he diverted his gaze to the dirt and continued listening to Senku as he talked about different types of soaps they could make and what kind of smells they could instill into them. Gen added his own input at different points during their conversation but took to just listening to Senku’s voice more. His voice was deep yet melodic and easy to get lost in. 

So much so that the night ends up passing far faster than Gen can keep track of, and before he knows it, both he and Senku are walking back to their hut, hours later. Far too late to purge anything since by then, he’s definitely disgusted his dinner. 

Keeping up the facade is harder that night because _he’s too late._ There’s an itch he wants - no, _needs_ \- to scratch, but he can’t because there’s nothing in his stomach to get rid of. While he didn’t eat a lot in the first place, he can almost feel the entire weight of what he ate, sitting like a stone in his body. It makes him uncomfortable. 

Of course, he can’t actually voice any of this because then he’d have to explain himself to Senku, and gods forbid that awkward conversation. So Gen settles for burrowing himself in his blankets to try and keep his body warm and hopefully not alert Senku into thinking somethings wrong. 

He doesn’t miss the way Senku snuggles closer to him after he blows out the candles, but he’s too tired to really question it, instead falling asleep to the rhythmic beats of Senku’s soft breathing. 

He’ll just have to work harder tomorrow and burn off what he ate.

Except he can’t, because Senku assigns him an easy job with him in the lab. While organizing their stock isn’t exactly the easiest feat, it keeps both him and Senku sitting for hours going over what they have and what they need for the upcoming winter. 

So Gen hangs onto the hope that purging what he eats for dinner will help. Except Senku interrupts before he can, _again._ Gen doesn’t even get a chance to excuse himself, immediately getting distracted by the next topic they talk about. 

The same happens the next day, and the next, but Gen can’t seem to tell Senku he wants to be alone. Part of him thinks it’s because he doesn’t want to be alone. It’s that part of him that overtakes his urges and distracts him from his jumbled thoughts. 

_It’s that part of him that suddenly looks forward to their talks at night._

——————

It takes three months of this for Gen to finally notice Senku’s game. The weirdest part of all of it, though, is that Gen isn’t mad. He knows for certain he would’ve been in the old world, but for some reason, Gen isn’t now. He suspects he won’t ever be. Maybe because it’s Senku?

As hard as it would be to admit it, Gen did have a soft spot for the scientist. He’d even go so far as to call it care or affection. That was probably why Gen couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at Senku. Perhaps he was even grateful for his help. 

Which is why it isn’t as hard as it usually is to bring up the topic with Senku at their next late-night get-together. They’ve been talking about making scented candles with the flowers they have at their disposal when Gen finally finds an opportunity to change the subject. 

“I must be losing my touch in mentalism.” Gen said, after a moment of silence passed them by. 

Senku looked at Gen with a question in his eye. “How do you figure that?”

“I mean, it’s taken me three months to realize what you’ve been doing.” Gen chuckled, looking Senku dead in the eye with a small smile. “Distracting me, giving me easier jobs… Not to mention the added affection.” Gen finally looked away and directed his gaze towards the stars above them. “When’d you find out?”

“After the third time.” Senku whispered. “I was going to ask you something about Magma and Yo working together in the fields, but you had disappeared, so I went to look for you.” Senku waved his hand towards the woods, wincing a little as he continued. “Found the ‘place’ near the tree and followed the tracks back to our hut. Honestly thought you had gotten sick but refused to say so. The problem was the lack of other symptoms. It only really clicked with me during dinner.” 

Gen sighed and nodded. “And here I thought I hid it well.”

“You did, honestly, I would’ve never noticed had I not had an idea beforehand.” Senku shrugged, before explaining himself further when Gen turned to him, confused. “You looked tense when you ate and finished way faster than anyone else.” 

“I see. So I guess this is where you make me explain myself then.” Gen asked, his voice betraying the rising frustration he was trying to keep at bay. He hated this part back in the old world and had hoped that Senku would avoid it. Surprisingly Senku added fuel to his hope when he shook his head. 

“Not really. I mean, if you want to, I’m here to listen, but judging by your tone, it’s not something you’re too keen on doing.”

Gen was silent for a moment before nodding. “You’re right, but usually that doesn’t matter.”

“Gen, if I wanted an explanation from you, I would’ve sought one out the moment I found out. It’s entirely your choice.” Senku patted Gen’s hand, a comforting gesture that was foreign yet enticing to Gen. 

“Things just get weird in my head sometimes.” Gen muttered. 

Senku hummed, before scooting a bit closer to Gen, silently asking if it was okay, getting a nod in return. “Is there anything I can do to help?” He asked. 

“We can continue doing this game.” Gen suggested, looking down towards the dirt as a feeling of shame coated his cheeks red. “And if we could maybe… remove the mirror from the bathhouse, just for the time being?” 

“Done.” Senku promised, curiously leaning forward when Gen ducked his head and mumbled something. “Sorry, I didn’t get that.”

“The cuddling thing.” Gen repeated, speaking louder, though still refusing to meet Senku’s eye. “We can continue that too.”

“Oh okay, then.” Senku seemed surprised at the offer before smiling and wrapping his arm around Gen’s neck, pulling him closer so that Gen’s head was resting on his shoulder. “Like this?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. Good and fine.” Gen squeaked, unused to the sudden affection he was getting and trying in vain to keep his blushed face at bay and out of sight. 

“Good to know.” Senku nodded as he slowly carded his hand through Gen’s hair. He spoke up again once Gen had relaxed a bit more against him. “Hey Gen?” Senku asked, getting a small hum in response. “Thanks for opening up to me.” 

Gen laughed, a bright sound, before wrapping his arms around Senku’s waist. “I should be thanking you for everything.” Gen said, reveling in the warmth of Senku hugging him back. “I’m grateful, Senku-chan, thank you, truly.”

Senku smiled, leaning them both backward until they rested on the ground, and were able to watch the stars move above them. “You’re welcome, mentalist.”

**Author's Note:**

> Another prompt down! Thank you to 7199jf on Tumblr for the request! I hope it isn't too rushed from angst to comfort but I never end my stories with sad endings.
> 
> I'm taking fic requests for the entire month of June! Just go to my tumblr, read the rules and submit! @ Widow-Spyder
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and Thank You for reading this far <3


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